Anatomy of a Downward Spiral
|Rumi always helps.|
Shortly after posting on Saturday, I felt myself slipping into the old familiar downward spiral. (Which I can now admit to myself happened because I was looking at all those pictures from five years ago... and yeah. That was a really shitty time, in many ways. I felt so unprepared for the difficulty, for the fact that it wasn't easy. And it's made even harder now by the fact that we didn't catch Remy's stroke -- when did it happen???? I don't know and I don't think I'll ever know and that is hard. So very hard.)
It was not a fun feeling, and I am not (yet) at the point where I can welcome my "bad" emotions in, saying "hello old friend, I missed you. Come have a drink of tea and tell me what's going on."
Instead I found myself up to my old tricks. Hiding. Repressing my huge snapping (and totally unwarranted) anger (and then having it bubble out inappropriately anyway). Stuffing myself with social media and trying to distract myself from feeling what I was feeling. Sigh.
Then I went to bed early (which was a good thing, a kind thing, for I am still trying to kick this virus I picked up last week). And I hoped I would wake up in a better mood, but no go.
I had to actually acknowledge and feel the feelings and treat my sadness and anger gently.
I brooded for most of the morning, being stuck (and not feeling my actual feelings) and it got me nowhere.
Then I turned to facebook: