awakening


I'm sure I've mentioned before that I'm not a morning person, but it bears repeating: I am not a morning person. I do my best creative work at night, my happiest get-thing-done stuff late at night (or at least in the early evening).

But this motherhood gig changed all that. No, it didn't make me a morning person (my husband takes that shift, every day but Saturday). But the constant wake-ups for years on end meant I had to go to bed much earlier in order to feel rested when I did have to get up for the day. No more creative late nights for me.

And now that my child is (mostly) sleeping through the night? I've been reverting to my old stay-up-late-and-sleep-in schedule and I'm struggling with it a little.

You see, I still have that Saturday morning let-my-awesome-mate-sleep-in I need to wake up for.

If I go to bed late every night, I reset my body clock and I end up going to bed late on Friday, too. And that means I don't get enough sleep and I'm grouchy. Or at least, that's how it had been for so long that I had assumed that was how it was always going to be.

Except I stayed up late this last Friday night (because I had a fun creative project) and I had to wake up after not-enough-sleep on Saturday morning, just like usual. And you know what? It was fine.

Sure, I was groggy until I'd had coffee. Sure, it wasn't my most productive day (well, we try to keep Saturdays unproductive anyway). But I had a good day and didn't even need a nap. And I wound up getting that second wind I always get after the sun goes down and staying up just as late Saturday night.

I made this self-portrait series Saturday morning (while I was waking up) and then collaged it this morning into a multiple exposure: awakening.

I'm reawakening to my own inner rhythms. Oh, it feels so good. There are bound to hiccups along the way, but I am listening deeply and making adjustments as I go.

I can't wait to see what else is on the horizon.