and then shadow...


Shadow and light.

Yes, always both. There is no void, not here at least, not on this planet, topside.

There is light. And there is shadow.

The mysteries of the universe are infinite and beautiful. We are infinite and beautiful.

Light remains, light recedes. Infinite and beautiful.

My passion and my love is limited, however. My life as I am now is limited. The molecules of me, of this material flesh, are limitless. World without end amen.

Endless recycling. Endless reclaiming.

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I am sitting in an amazing machine, flying at least 50,000 feet above the planet. There is wifi, but I'm not buying it until the next leg of my journey. I brought a favorite book to reread (Sailing to Sarantium, by the incomparable Guy Gabriel Kay) and I knew I would want to write. But writing doesn't mean having wifi.

I thought of another light and shadow trait last night: I am bold / I hide. I hide because I want to be found but it's a shadow trait that has caused me much pain when no one searches.

I am learning to be bold, to ask for what I need instead of hoping someone will find me and ask.

This trip is such a boldness. Oh, it was so hard, to decide to make the decision to come. To give myself an entire week away. Frivolous, it felt and still sort of feels.

And yet and yet.

It is not. I have not taken any time to myself, longer than a day or two, since Remy was almost 3. (I'm not counting the trip M and I took since we went together. Although it was amazing and we are already starting to plan another. That was couple time. This is me time. The distinction is important.)