intention


There's less than a week before I head out to the West Coast for a week by myself and I have only just now started getting nervous. Excited, but nervous. Not just about the soloness of my trip (they will be fine, I will be fine), although there's a bit of that, too.

Instead I started getting nervous about going to my 20th high school reunion.

I am starting to understand why so many people I've talked to have told me how brave I am to be going. I'm still not sure if it was bravery or that I just didn't think about it all that much before I decided to go. I made up my mind to do this because I want to see some very dear friends. The reunion itself was just a catalyst. But now that it's looming I have started mentally preparing for it.

Yesterday, as I drove to the library I started having an inner monologue about what the heck I would wear to the reunion. Which was really silly, because I already decided on an outfit a month ago (it's my go-to outfit for almost everything slightly fancy and there's a reason: I love it and look good in it). But I had this sudden fear of, "OMG, what if everyone else is gonna be wearing fancy dresses?" and felt the glimmers of anxiety lurking underneath. Oy.

So I did the best thing I could think of to dispel the anxiety: I turned up the radio and sang my heart out.

Oh, music.

Last night, I downloaded the Pandora app on my new Android tablet* and folded what felt like fifty billion loads of laundry while listening to some awesome songs. Music just makes everything better.

This morning, I lay in bed listening to Krishna Das and breathing before I started my day. I've been wanting to get back to a regular meditation practice. This isn't quite what I had in mind, but it is a beautiful start.

It is so easy for me to slip into the routine of being online all day. Going offline, listening to music, journaling, meditating, reading, feeding my inner self: these are all important self-care practices. Cleaning house, too, which I've been let slip a little in the heat. (We installed some new a/c units this weekend, so the house doesn't feel quite so unbearable anymore.)

It isn't all or nothing. I listen to music as I write (Sunday Bloody Sunday is playing right now). I like being online, being connected. Facebook is an important part of my social life.

But setting the intention to unplug is good, too.

It's ironic that my new tablet (which is essentially an awesome handheld computer) has helped me re-realize that truth.

Tools are just that, tools.

It is up to us to choose the best ones for us and use them wisely.

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* I named my new tablet Kvinna, which is Swedish for "woman." Since my iPod touch got named Chica (after an app that Remy loved when we first got it), the name seemed just right. I also found this awesome peace organization in my google searching. Yay, peace!