what holds us/ what we hold


* I've been making these collaged-cover journals (yesterday's photo was an older one) since I was about seventeen, and I had never included one of my photographs on one before, much less a self portrait. It was time.

* This particular journal was made as part of Hannah Marcotti's Spirits of Joy session. Love.

* Saturday, I had an amazing conversation with Remy (!!!!) that touched on death, memory, evolution and photography. I'm not sure I even know how to begin to write it down (except maybe as a poem), but it made my heart swell. (This post from two years ago shows you how far he's come, that we're able to converse.)

* One byproduct of the conversation was my realization (once again) that I am not printing photos anymore and that all the photographs in my house come from either the pre-digital or the few times I have printed photos since. In other words, there is no progression. There are just blobs of time. Something needs to be done about that. Time marches on and here I am documenting it, only for it to be "stuck" in my computer (which is not always on).

* I have an amazing photo printer. And a huge stack of photo paper. I'd like to see this wall in front of me in my office become my family timeline wall. I'm not sure exactly which of a million different ways I'd like to go about it, yet. I'd also like to fill some more photo albums. And make more photo books.

* I'm also realizing that for whatever reason, I am shooting much more on my iPod touch lately. (The addiction of instagram.) And since I started posting most of the photos to my facebook, I haven't been posting as much there, either.

* Thus, I am torn between options: get the new iPod when it arrives (much better camera). Get an iPhone instead (and add a data plan to my phone bill: I must be one of the few people my age who doesn't have one). Or switch entirely to android with either a phone or a slightly larger touch. Or just keep using my iPod and deal with the not-great camera.

* None of this includes my need to (possibly) replace the android tablet I bought this summer, which is now a brick. (I'm thinking I'd rather replace it with an ereader than a tablet. I'm reading the Anne of Green Gables books on my iPod touch. I'd much rather be reading it on an e-ink reader.)

* I'd also really like to get a lensbaby. I've been wanting one for years. Which has nothing to do with anything except that I'm listing things I want.

* Something about all this wanting makes me feel squicky (want want want... ugh). But at the same time, it's part of my process: I don't just go out and buy stuff willy-nilly. I think about it and read reviews and think about it some more before I buy something. It is human to want. Maybe the reason it squicks me out is that our culture pushes us past our normal tendencies. I'd rather go minimalist. But... there are things I want.

* Sometimes all my research backfires, and devices die quickly. (Thinking about my new Android tablet, which I am still hoping can get fixed... Not sure exactly what happened; it suddenly just stopped recognizing it was plugged in and wouldn't charge.)

* Life goes on. I remember the days before all this digital gear. We got on just fine. I still have a handwritten journal and I expect I always will, until I am unable to hold a pen or write.