a poeming in four or five parts


Days of  Petals Falling Like Rain


There's a sadness that can't come out
in the middle of winter, no hard I cry.
There's a sadness that only exists
in the rain's triumphant downpour.

There's a crying that feels like spring
cleaning, washing the stinging pollen
out of my eyes, as if to say: yes!

Yes.

There's a glaze of sorrow covering it all,
like petals on the cars under the trees,
a beautiful melancholy, a riot of color.
The swollen yes waiting for all your tears.

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How I love spring, how I love when it rains and rains and rains (and we seem to have had so little of it last year, this year's torrents are a welcome blessing). And yet, the gray ache melancholy of rainy mornings still hits me. My need for light. But it has a totally different quality than winter's gray. This is a wonderful ache. A happy-sorrow. It makes me feel alive, to cry in the spring! (Yes, the fact that crying makes my itchy eyes sting probably helps with that aliveness.)

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Last night, I dreamt I was dancing. Leading a group under a sloping roof that meant my hands were being trapped too low. We were dancing old school ATS with the one sided choo-choos and my hips needed to balance out. And then we were driving towards a huge mountain, that we wanted to climb, and as the summit loomed closer and closer, I realized that what looked so huge from far away was not at all huge and we drove straight on through and on to the next mountain, looming in the distance.

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Sometimes, I forget how big I am.

Sometimes, I forget how powerful I am.

Sometimes, I forget that there's poetry waiting to be written.

Sometimes, I forget I am the poem.

And sometimes, a lot of sometimes, I remember.

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Today is a really beautiful day, with pink cherry blossoms littering the street next to my house.

Today I am remembering that this is my expanding year, and I am thinking about how amazing that is.

(And wow.)

Today I am sending blessings off into the world, blessings that are coming straight from my heart into yours.

Today I am thinking about how to start my memoir.