i carry my heart


This photo is a triple exposure: me, my love and Remy. (My love is playing his guitar. He hates having his photo taken, so I deliberately obscured him a bit.) Want to know how I made this photo? I teach how to do this in my class, souling the self surreal.

This photo made me think of one of my favorite love poems, E. E. Cummings'"[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]" (the brackets indicate that the title is the first line of the poem). I posted it with the entirety of the poem on instagram because I needed to remind myself of it's truth.

This week has been one hard moment tumbled after hard moment. I am keeping on, finding ways to reframe. It doesn't change what is, but it might change my attitude. Still, I am not doing so great. I am feeling so done with winter. I am hurting. I am doing my best, but hurt people hurt people and I know I have used my "mean mom" voice too much this week and been not-at-my-best online and off.

Those who aren't in the middle of the hurt and the pain (but who have been through it) can be our best guides. E. E. with his poems. Pema with her heart-wisdom. I seek out those guides. I actively seek them out.

(And then when I'm not in the middle of my own pain, I try to say the words I'll need to hear, later. Hello words I needed to hear right now. Thank you self of last year.)