poeming on a tuesday with gratitude (modeh ani)
a small poem of gratitude
every morning, I wake up and it is amazing that I haven't died overnight.
every morning, he wakes up before me, and no one I love has died overnight.
every morning, I give thanks, Modeh Ani, thanking everything in me that works.
every morning, I give thanks, Modeh Ani, thanking life for all that is, was and shall be.
* Modeh Ani means "I give thanks" in Hebrew. It is a prayer that is recited every morning upon rising by observant Jews. I'm not that observant but I still love this prayer.
I woke up this morning grateful for being alive, just because.
There was nothing particularly special about this morning. I didn't almost die overnight. It was just a late April night. And today will be a windy, going-to-rain April day. And yet. And yet, I woke and I was grateful for life. It goes by so quickly, but it's what I have, right now at this moment and wow, that's just mind-blowingly awesome.
Yes, just being alive. All my inner organs working
Asthma taught me early on not to take my breath for granted. Not to take my life for granted. I learned how to breathe through episodes. Focus on the out breath. Meditate. I learned patience. I learned to pay attention.
My lungs are mine. I learned to embrace them, despite their limited functioning.
It's no use wishing I had someone else's lungs. I don't and I won't ever.
Medicine helps and that's wonderful. Not eating wheat and rice seems to help a lot. My body is what it is. I don't need to berate myself for what is. I don't need to blame myself. I don't need pity or worry. It just is.
And I am grateful.