poeming on a tuesday with gratitude (modeh ani)


a small poem of gratitude

every morning, I wake up and it is amazing that I haven't died overnight.
every morning, he wakes up before me, and no one I love has died overnight.
every morning, I give thanks, Modeh Ani, thanking everything in me that works.
every morning, I give thanks, Modeh Ani, thanking life for all that is, was and shall be.



Modeh Ani means "I give thanks" in Hebrew. It is a prayer that is recited every morning upon rising by observant Jews. I'm not that observant but I still love this prayer.
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I woke up this morning grateful for being alive, just because.

There was nothing particularly special about this morning. I didn't almost die overnight. It was just a late April night. And today will be a windy, going-to-rain April day. And yet. And yet, I woke and I was grateful for life. It goes by so quickly, but it's what I have, right now at this moment and wow, that's just mind-blowingly awesome.

Yes, just being alive. All my inner organs working  mostly  the way they're supposed to. Beating heart. Filtering kidneys. Irritable bowels. Sometimes wheezy breathing. Despite the limited functioning of my asthmatic lungs, I still get enough breath to live.

Asthma taught me early on not to take my breath for granted. Not to take my life for granted. I learned how to breathe through episodes. Focus on the out breath. Meditate. I learned patience. I learned to pay attention.

My lungs are mine. I learned to embrace them, despite their limited functioning.

It's no use wishing I had someone else's lungs. I don't and I won't ever.

Medicine helps and that's wonderful. Not eating wheat and rice seems to help a lot. My body is what it is. I don't need to berate myself for what is. I don't need to blame myself. I don't need pity or worry. It just is.

And I am grateful.