This being an empathetic knowledge-seeking person business is hard sometimes. I can easily be crushed by the world, by the atrocity of what people do to one another and even just by everyday selfishness.
I often say, "I just don't understand why," but that isn't quite right. I do understand. I get that our basic nature is what it is - human - and that depending on our circumstances, we can turn towards kindness or decide that kindness is too damn hard, or just not worth it, or because they think it's more fun to be mean, or they're scared that if they're not mean first, someone else will hurt them.
I just don't grok (deeply understand) that anyone could choose to be mean. Despite what I know. Despite what I understand (at a not-grokking level) about human nature. I just don't get it.
I do not grok meanness.
I grok kindness.
Today is just a day I woke up feeling the weight of the world, for no particular reason. It happens. It's not hormonal (my hormonal low point is another couple of weeks away).
The cold and snow isn't really helping, but this happens outside of winter, too.
It is what it is, unfolding.
(I'm cheering myself up by writing about it and by listening to a mixture of kick-ass and emo music this morning. This reimagining of Petunia Dursley nee Evans made me pretty happy, too, even though it also made me ugly-cry.)