lexsurrealsoul14: the first half of 2014


January started out muddled. With a lot of big feelings.

And experimenting with some multiple exposure ideas, as I started the new series: #lexsurrealsoul14

There was a lot of winter to get through.


(Damn polar vortexes.)

But at least some of the time, the fog felt mysterious and beautiful, because I was embracing it.

The lexsurrealsoul14 series stopped being quite so muddled towards the end of the month.


February was just as hard as January, maybe harder, in some ways. But ther was more clarity in the muddledness.

(The most snow I have ever seen in my life, that was last February.)


But there were epiphanies (more than a few; yes, even as winter did it's best to wear me down).

And there was always love.

And I really loved the photos I was making.



March.

Oh fuck you, March 2014. Fuck you. Yeah, you started off nicely enough, but then. Oh then.

One more grieving mother friend. This unrelenting grief at the center of the world.


There is nothing fair about life. Anyone who tries to tell you differently is selling something.

And on top of it, IEP messiness that eventually got sorted out, but annoyed me deeply, because there was absolutely no reason to put Remy through all of that, and we only added to it, in the end, searching for something definitive.

But despite the hardness of March, the photos were really starting to come together, I was telling the story of what was happening.

Telling the story of what was happening via double exposure: that sums up this series in one sentence.


In April I realized that I needed to be super gentle with myself.

For me, that looked like dying my hair teal, embracing my wild.

Writing a poem a day, just for me. And continuing to tell the story of what was, in my multiple exposure photos.


And spring came, and with the turning of the world, I kept poeming, my grief and my love, entwined. 

Yes.

I love spring.


May began a new project (blackout poems every day, which turned into smudge poeming).

As you can see, most of the time, the two projects (lexsurrealsoul14 and lexblackoutpoemsmay14) coincided.

Spring really sprang, and we took many walks (photo and otherwise).


And Remy turned eight. (Eight!)

And I started letting myself off the hook, by scheduling posts from my archives. Originally, that started as a way to get some book formatting done, but then became a way for me to write the book that needed to be written. And then as summer progressed, and I got bronchitis, it became an actual rest, much needed.


In June, I got my beloved autoharp.

We took a surprise trip to California!

For some reason, June seemed to be a month of triple exposures.

And while I had a bunch of epiphanies, and redid the kitchen, and wrote and wrote and wrote, I ran a lot of posts from my archive and I didn't feel guilty about it at all.


Not even one bit. I let myself be. I can see that change in the photos.

The end of this collage gets in July, which was hard because of bronchitis. But June, oh, June was splendid!

By June, I had found the book that needed to be written.

And this January, it's still in the needing to be written stages and that's ok. I am still letting myself be. As much as I love the idea of writing a book in a month (NaNoWriMo, I'm looking at you), that's not actually how it usually goes. And it definitely hasn't happened yet with this book.

[I did a similar recap of 2013's selfie project, split into two parts: here and here. I will continue recapping 2014's project later this week.]