unfolding decisions


Or: a tale of buying a camera and returning it.

I got birthday money for my 40th birthday. Enough that I could unexpectedly buy a new camera. I was a little giddy about it and went with my gut after finding a very good deal on a Fuji x30. I liked my Fuji x10 as a travel camera (except for the times when it was infuriating, like at the Elephant Nature Park, when I accidentally spent hours in the wrong focusing mode, which meant most of my photos from the morning sucked), but the x30 seemed to solve those problems and it had WiFi!

Except that the electronic viewfinder arrived broken (which was not disclosed in the description).

And while most of the focusing issues I had with the x10 were solved by the manual focus ring (and better autofocus, I assume), they weren't 100% solved.

(Why oh why did fuji make the focus mode switch knob so tiny and put it on the front of the camera, where one's left hand can accidentally swing the hand around??? And even though it's super easy to change accidentally, it's small enough that it's difficult to get it to the right setting on purpose! ARGH!)

The real kicker? I had bought a camera that couldn't replace my dslr. That was the wrong choice for me.

(The fuji x30 was just not manual enough. It still had occasional focus issues because of that focus mode switch. And although sometimes I liked them, I never really got used to the Fuji colors. While I like to change colors wildly in post processing, I'd really prefer my straight-out-of-camera colors to be realistic. That sweater I'm wearing in the upper left photo? Is not that color at all. It is hunter green)

Don't misunderstand: I took photos that I really loved with the x30. I really, really, really loved the WiFi. I really loved the compact size. It could still totally be the right camera for you! I'm not badmouthing it at all.

(Some people love that focus switch, even. I don't but you might.)

After the first week or two, I went back to researching camera systems.

And that's how I knew that the x30 wasn't the right camera for me. I was literally spending hours researching a decision I had already made. Thank goodness amazon makes it so easy to return things. Thank goodness I'm learning how to not be afraid of being wrong.

After I bought the x10, I had doubts about it because of the focusing issues but I kept it, I didn't return it. And I think part of why I kept it is that I didn't want to be wrong about what a great camera it was. And it was also a great camera. But it wasn't the right camera for me. I made it work, but it never felt right.

I bought that camera almost two years ago. Since then, I have practiced changing my mind. I have started practicing uncertainty.

So I'm still uncertain. I put a pause on researching camera systems for right now. I'm practicing uncertainty.

I'm starting to think that instead of a new camera, I should just get an sd card reader for my iPad mini (so I can easily edit photos from my dslr on it) and then maybe get a new musical instrument. But the a6000 still appeals. And that means either replacing my lenses or using them with an adapter. Which I'll have to do eventually anyway, since it looks like Sony is replacing the a-mount system with the e-mount system.

And if I'm going to be replacing or using with adapters all my a-mount lenses, I might as well look at other systems, n'est pas?

So eventually my research will continue. And eventually, I'll just make a decision and see if it works.

If it doesn't work, I'll make another decision.

I'm practicing not being afraid of being wrong.

I'm practicing being uncertain.

And I'm letting it all unfold.

Yes.