practicing peacefulness


All I wanted to do yesterday was complain and argue. Notice how I posted a gratitude list instead? That was a conscious choice, to get me out of complaining and arguing mode. 

And if helped, somewhat, but hormones are still hormones and mine were in full complain and argue mode. So I just kept practicing. Over and over, remembering. Over and over, choosing not to argue, not to complain. I got sucked in a few times. I'm not perfect. I'm practicing. 

Practice doesn't mean I'm perfect, not by any stretch of the imagination. Practice doesn't even mean I'm working on becoming perfect. Perfect isn't the goal. Peace is the goal. Present is the goal. Awareness is the goal. Kindness is the goal. (If there is a goal at all.)

A few times, I caught myself writing an argumentative response to something on Facebook. Stopped myself. Deleted the argument. There's no need to argue just because I'm feeling frustrated. I didn't catch all my argumentative responses, but I caught most of them. That's practicing peacefulness. 

When M got home and I told him what was up, he came over and put his hand on my knee. Just that one little gesture meant so much to me. By that point one of the main sources of my complaining had been removed (blah blah blah USPS delivered my package a day later than how it was tracking online) but that doesn't do anything to the hormonal flux and he knows this. Hormonal stuff just has to be gotten through. Gently. With kindness and support. 

And gluten free pizza with bacon and olives. 

Apparently that helps a lot, too, because bacon.

Yeah. Hormonal stuff really appreciates bacon. And kindness. And watching silly shows. And a lot of supportive love from my soul mate. 

Today is easier. I'm still going to be practicing, though. Every day. Every moment.

practice when it is easy, to make it easier practice when it is difficult. 

And so it goes.