practicing through the blank page


I thought I got stuck trying to find just the right photo to share this morning.

Looking through a folder of the photos I took on our day at Volubilis/ Meknes. None of them are just right (in fact, there's a lot of issues with exposure, which is making me unhappy). And that started a whole train of stories in my head, telling me how rubbish I am at photography and why would I think I ever deserve to get new equipment when clearly I can't figure it out and... whoa.

Ouch.

And that's when I decide to stop. Breathe. And come to this blank page anyway. Keep typing with this question in mind:

What's the story that needs to be told this morning?

(My fingers are typing as fast as possible. I am not a great typist, but I am practiced.)

And all morning I've had the lyrics of Coldplay's "Fix You" stuck in my head (that's me to my photos, fyi - the need to fix the exposure. Ugh!). And you know what? As much as I love the song, as much as the music of that song really, really, connects to me, I very much dislike the idea of trying to fix someone else.

Photos, I might be able to fix. A person? Not so much. And do we need to? No, we do not. Our brokenness is where the light gets in. But that is difficult, because fixing is what we are trained to do. Or trying to fix. It's all very complicated, human beins.

And I don't know where to go with that as an idea beyond those initial thoughts and that's ok, too.

Write anyway. Practice anyway. Sit with the stuck and be in the stuck and let it be what it is, anyway.

Don't try to fix what is in this moment, just be with it instead. (And write, because writing is my practice.)

Eventually, everything will be ok anyway.

No trying. No doing, either (sorry, Yoda). Just being.

Just writing.