this slow moment (summering)


This week has felt sooo damn slow.

Too slow, almost.

And yet.

And yet, in that slowness, I was able to knit-loom a faux chainmail coif for Rem to wear to renn faire. And start on the hauberk (tunic).

And yet, in this slowness, I've been connecting with my growing-growing-growing boy (and playing a gazillion games of air hockey and some UNO for good measure).

And yet, in my slowness, I've been letting myself feel the sadness of this summer, of souster B moving and us not moving and things getting more and more intense in terms of M's career.

And it's the last bit that's most important - letting myself feel the moments that are here, in front of me. Letting myself be slow in reaction to them, because distracting myself by running around is a surefire way to stub my toes (metaphorically and literally - I do a lot of toe stubbing when I'm being distractingly fast).

It isn't easy and it isn't always fun. I've wanted (and done) a lot of distracting things this week (hello internet, I'm looking at you). But I keep coming back to this moment, slowly, slowly, slowly.

Practicing.

Always practicing.

Even writing this, my tendency is to want to click off of the page I'm writing in - distract myself by checking out another link I have open (on the Great Grief of Climate Change - pretty sure that's gonna be a good read).

And so I practice. Practice keeping my fingers going, one word at a time. Practice feeling the sadness of B moving, one text/ phone call at a time. Practice evening out the physical intensity of a career-making soulmate with my own laid-back, relax-into-me partnership. Just as he evens out my emotional intensity with his own laid-back, relax-into-me partnership.

Ah, yes.

And so, this moment.

Practicing slowness, even when it feels too damn slow.

Because this slowness is necessary right now, this week, this moment, and I can feel that, even if I can't always remember, when I'm exasperated at my own slowness.

This is late August.

This is slowness.

Yes.

Yes.