two weeks (and six years)
Thanks to Facebook's "On This Day," this morning I came across this note I wrote two weeks after our miscarriage (in 2010):
That decluttering spree was just the beginning of prepping our house to sell later that spring (put it on the market in mid May, got an offer the next day, closed in July right before we moved up here to NJ). I went to Goodwill so often that spring/ summer that the people who worked in receiving greeted me like a friend. ("Is that all today?" "See you again soon!")
We didn't have a job offer yet, but M was on the market and we were hopeful.
And I typically deal with late winter by decluttering.
I did end up giving away those maternity pants eventually, because we made the decision not to keep trying (or not-trying but just "seeing what happens" for a few months) and made that choice permanent, with a vasectomy. Neither of us was up for actually trying again.
That next year was when I really rededicated myself to my blog.
And to poeming: 2010 was the first year I did NaPoWriMo. I'd forgotten that, til I looked through my archives.
It was difficult, that first year. But oh, those poems make me grateful to myself-of-2010. Thank you, past self. Thank you.
Poeming every day can still be difficult - the end of my current poem-a-day month is coming up and sometimes I still find myself at the end of the day staring at a blank screen as I poem it out. Stopping. Starting. Erasing. Restarting. Erasing again. Restarting.
And that's totally ok.
I am comfortable with stopping and starting now. Comfortable with realizing it is all practice. Comfortable with knowing that even if that day's poem isn't the best of the month, it all adds up.
This too will pass, but the memory remains: a blessing.