in it

 

Yesterday sucked a lot out of me. Between the bad sleep (because of an inadvertent glutening) and being a chaperone for the big fourth grade field trip, the day just felt tiring and awful. 

And it was my beloved's birthday. 

Going out to dinner as a family helped a lot. We went to a place we've gone to a few times for lunch or brunch, but never to dinner. Dinner was fantastic - all of our entrées were gluten-free, so we could share, but we each picked the one that was just right for us. And gluten-free falafel for an appetizer? Yes. 

So by Remy's bedtime, I was feeling better (still so tired that my eyeballs hurt, but in better spirits). And I guess it was after M went to bed that the existential angst really caught up to me. 

Why are people so mean?

Why are people so cruel?

Why are people so indifferent?

(These were things I witnessed on the field trip and in many online ways.)

The world hurts us and we hurt others. Others hurt us and we hurt the world.  It's endless, it seems like sometime. Pain upon pain upon pain. 

I don't have to let my pain turn to meanness. I don't have to hurt others. I have a choice. I have a path. I have a practice of kindness. 

I can't figure out the motives of others. I can only continue cultivating kindness in myself and encouraging kindness wherever I can. 

Some days are hard. 

Make them easier, in whatever way you can. 

(One kind thought to yourself. One kind word to someone else.)

I don't know of any other way to help end the cycle of cruelty, at least internally.