mindfulness (sea anenome)

 


so I'm in this phase where I am not feeling motivated and so I feel decidedly unmotivational. 

in fact, quite the opposite, I'm in a phase where I feel like I'm stuck, waiting on stuff that isn't in my control and ohmaigoodness, you should absolutely not be listening to anything I advise right now. 

(go back through my archives, though...)

and yet. 

and yet, on our adventure last week, someone asked me when I would be teaching a session on mindfulness. 

(Hmmmm... I thought. I get that a lot from my younger friends. interesting.)

I don't really feel all that mindful right now, actually, except that I think maybe just by being aware that I'm not being mindful I'm more mindful than many people. 

(maybe?) 

I am here. I am doing what I'm doing. 

but my mind still wanders. wondering where we'll be in a year (selling the house we're in is something that sounds shop damn stressful but at the end of that journey, we'd be in a new place that would hopefully work better for us all. and so I keep on.)

my mind still wishes my body wasn't sick. 

my mind still feeds on memories, good and bad. 

all the normal, being human stuff. 

it's that constant practice in reminding myself that all of this - all of this living, this joy and grief and fun and pain - all of this is merely the byproduct of being human, that it is in fact, the very nature of being human, that this is all normal (in its unique and communal ways), that may be the key difference that makes the twenty and thirty somethings I know look up to me. 

this is where you'll be with practice, I show them. 

my life points the way. 

and even when I don't feel that aspirational, I remember that this is a good life I've chosen and created, and that the point isn't to show them how to create this exact life (it's not even possible) but to point them to creating their own best life. one moment at a time. 

and that's my mindfulness. 

being here, creating my life.