November 2017 feels




has November always been such a difficult month, or is it just this year, because of the election-versary?

my Facebook memories are filled with assvice I tried to give myself. even my word of the year, hope, more assvice. how can any of us predict where the fuck this is all going? it's the weirdest time to be alive. fuck. I need hope, more than ever, but it's harder and harder to break through the apathy of "damn, this is really happening?" I mean... what the ever loving fuck? and that's just in general, not really any one thing. 

every day it's something new. 

I'm in such a position of privilege. I feel the horror of this unleashed grossness, but how does it really affect me, personally? 

(other than my anxiety being through the roof.)

we were able to sell our house. the economy hasn't dropped. 

(I'll keep worrying about the economy, though. too many people I love are living in the fringes.)

M has his job. and hopefully (a very well earned) sabbatical. 

I am not one of the DACA dreamers. 

(my heart is with you.)

I am not someone who has relatives from a country affected by the travel ban.

(my heart is with you.)

I am not a trans person serving in the military. 

(I am gender fluid, but I have passing privilege. and I am not in the military.)

(my heart is with you.)

I'm affected because you're affected. 

(my heart is with you, and my body, and my spirit.) 

I'm affected because anyone is affected and I am anyone. and we live on this planet, which is our only home. all of this affects the land and the water and yes, us. (and our children's children.)

this isn't the most fun to live through, day by day, ugly revelation by ugly revelation. hearing about the tax bill hurts me to the core. (shout out to my rep, who was one of the 13 republicans to oppose the bill.) the oil spilling out of keystone?  affects us all. 

(water is life.)

and that's a little of how I'm feeling, this November.