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poeming on my reclaiming

moments of clarity racking up, illuminating what had been foggy for so long:
smiling for the sake of smiling, not to please anyone else.  reclaiming my hair, which is not "doll's hair" but my own.  wearing colors that please me, not just colors that protect me. 
(protection is also pleasing. but it's not the only thing.)
remembering again and again how much I love to play.  cooking a meal, not because I have to, but because I want to.  being afraid and being ok being afraid, because I am actually safe. 
(protection is the only thing sometimes, for real.)
breathing and breathing and breathing: in and out and in and out.  praying on my feet, sweat dripping down my neck, the wind cooling the trees murmuring as leaves drift down and acorns splat.
(the trees and the water our only sustainable source of protection.)
feeling the feelings in my body, moving through stories are only stories and I'm not only my story I don't have to take responsibility for everything

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