Letting go...

Ah, the end of summer. It's a rather melancholy moment in time for me: the ending of my favorite season means less warmth, less sunlight, less family time as the school year starts and my husband's work shifts gears to full tilt.

This year, it will also mean less of Remy's presence in my daily life, as we are getting ready to send him off to preschool (for the second year in a row).

Last year, he went 2x a week, for 2 hours each day. Which doesn't sound like a lot, until you are smack dab in August, missing a little time to yourself and realize that you haven't had many daily moments without your child since May! I'm looking forward to some time alone during the day again, dreaming of projects and adventures.

Unlike last year, when we sent him to private school (with an aide that we had to hire out of pocket), this year being in a new place we are sending him to public school. That's a big step for me, because we are Remy's advocates: he can't communicate clearly enough to let us know how things are going/ went. To tell us what happens. I rely on communication with the school to tell me what happens during my child's day. Last year, I sent a sheet of paper with a list for his aide to fill out. This year, we will have an IEP meeting and I hope something more substantial can be figured out.

I have hopes for the new school district (otherwise we wouldn't have moved here) but my own experiences with public education weren't very good. I was a do-good student who fell through every crack possible because we were poor and moved around a lot. I spent a lot of time bored, reading my own books at school.

That's obviously not going to be Remy's experience (he needs help learning to talk, much less reading). But I worry he won't be loved and nourished. I worry he will fall through the cracks, albeit in a different way from me.

But I have to let go of my fears, too. They are holding me hostage. I do not need to be afraid, I simply need to be where I am and let the future unfold, making decisions as best I can at each moment as it arrives.

This helps. Taking each moment as it arrives, looking through the lens of my life (camera). Making space for the beauty around me. There is so much beauty!

I am letting go of so many things as August comes to an end. What are you letting go of? What helps you to accept the losses? (And bonus request: give me your best winter tips. It's been five years since we left Toronto, I'm not sure I remember how to deal with winter anymore!)

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