It's too easy to see success as an outside marker. 

We all buy into this, starting too young. Working towards satisfying our parents, then teachers, then lovers, then employers (then children, oy!). External motivation is strong in our culture. We work towards grades, money, love -- all rewards that we have to earn, as if we aren't enough in and of ourself. 

There's a revolution brewing, though: You are enough. 

You don't have to do anything else to be loved, right now. 

You are the only one who needs to love you. 

And if you find the unconditional love that flows underneath all our conditional success, then the external won't matter. You can have a hard day and shrug it off. You can have an awesometastic day and go to bed knowing tomorrow is another day and can be awesometastic all over again, without grasping. 

Each moment you have a choice. Do you choose to do what you are doing or do you choose to fight it? 

Life isn't chocolate and roses. 

Doing what you choose doesn't mean only eating organic cherries by the ocean. (Oh, but that was a truly savored moment!) It means choosing each moment, as it comes, and not making a judgment about it (or making less of a judgement about it). 

Choosing to do what you do means choosing to change shitty underpants, if that is what is in front of you. Choosing to do what you do means choosing to keep your temper when your five year old wakes up and wants to get up for the day at 3:30 am. And if your temper was earlier sparked by, let's say, that same five year old trying to push over the TV screen, because you said it was bath-time, well... you can choose to calm down eventually. And then rub his back as he falls asleep, sad over his missing band-aid. You don't have to be mad forever. And you're human.

It isn't like I am ever going to be a person who wants to be woken at 3:30 am. Broken sleep is not my idea of a good time. But I choose to be here. I choose to be a mom. I choose this life. 

I'm spending life in my own way. By choice. 

I'll try to remember that during the next meltdown.