making space for myself
I woke up feeling overwhelmed and anxious.
Not completely out of the blue, but not completely in line with how I felt yesterday, either.
This first week of real kindergarten has been overwhelming to me, in its complexity and expectation. I'm not used to Remy being gone a whole 'nother hour yet, and when he does get home, there isn't the same feeling of spaciousness I'm used to, in large part because there's homework.
He's happy though and according to the teacher, he has transitioned into the class fairly easily. This class is good for him, but I am anxious it is too much, too quickly. In reality, it's just a lot for me to process and I need to give myself space, too.
So, today I am making space for myself. Journaling. Wearing clothes that make me feel brighter. Listening to music that brings me back to myself. (Nine Inch Nails at the moment.) I may watch a weepie movie later and just sit, listening, after.
But first (or during) I'll work on the two etsy listing test cases I want to finish. (Yesterday brought an amazing result from my first test case, we were both floored by the results. It was shockingly awesome. Just a few changes can bring such a result? Tremendous.)
Spaciousness doesn't mean curling up into a fetal position and shutting out the world although I may do that for a few minutes, too. I'm not completely ruling it out.
It means me be-ing. Bringing myself into alignment and practicing self-care and kindness. Feeling the feelings I am feeling without hurting myself further by forcing or expecting them to go away or trying to distract myself out of it.
Like a mama, soothing her fussing baby. Or a best friend after a bad day. Or a lover, so soft and gentle, knowing just the right things to do and say.
Letting myself be without freaking out and loving that I am here to do so. Knowing that I am privileged to be here.