a wintry morning
this is what i need, right now: to tell you you are loved. just as you are, right now.
the hibernating? it is important to where you are going. hibernate now and you will come out rested when it is time. resisting the cold? is ok. resistance is ok. you are human. you can not let go of everything. you cannot be a saint. you are human. bodies have desire, they have wants, they have temperatures that they do not appreciate being exposed to. they hurt when the cold pierces through the layers or you forget to pull your hood up to cover your poor ears. it is possibly to be gentle. to heal the need to push through and punish. and it is possible to draw on your inner resources when you need to push harder.
and it is okay to hurt. it is part of the desire of the body, because if you did not hurt, you would not recognize what hurts you and be able to do something about it (which sometimes includes nothing). you do not owe anyone anything. you do not even owe yourself anything, except what you want to owe. wake up and choose.
what i need to tell you, what i need to tell me is this: we are one. just oneness. our hurts, our desires, our love, our fear, our thoughts, our bodies. there is no letting go because it is really all one thing. there is no resistance because it is one thing. the choice you are making right now, in this moment, is just the choice you are making right now, in this moment. every moment can be a new choice.
this doesn't mean that you should curl up in a ball on the couch everyday (there is no should). but it is okay to do this when you need to. it is more than okay, it is necessary.
ebb and flow.
everyone and everything follows the ebb and the flow, no matter how much they push. (and it is okay to push. we are human. we are human.) we must ebb. we must flow. sometimes we choose to resist. we do not need to, but we also do not need to not need to. we're still going to ebb and flow. even in resistance.
ebb and flow.
here is the choice i choose right now: writing this to you, to myself. listening to my "gray day" spotify playlist and dancing when i moved to dance. drinking all my coffee and then switching to tea and writing words of love on facebook because connections matter.
i have a new book to start reading. i have projects to start. it is snowing again (which is supposed to change to ice and then to rain) and i am resenting this last day before the weather changes and gives me a respite from the cold for a few days.
i am also grateful that it isn't below freezing as it was last week. i am in love with this life, this place i have chosen to live in. but i am also in love with my body not hurting from the cold. i am ebb and i am flow and i am noticing how they work in my body in this season, right now.