autumnal shift

I may finally have figured out the plastic optic on my lensbaby!

Last year, the end of August kicked my ass (and then I needed all of September to recover). Last year, I went into autumn in full recovery mode, needing all my self-care systems. This year, I remembered and I didn't let August kick my ass again.

Instead, in August we took the best vacation we have ever been on and had an amazing time. And when we came back, I gave myself breathing space from this blog by building in an extra week of "from my archives." And Remy and I had plans for each day we were on our own. It's the little things that make a difference.

I remembered my gentleness this year. I remembered my need for space. I remembered so many things, but life is still so fucking fragile and very bad things happen to friends and family that no one has any control over.

I've been working on letting go of the semblance of control. On the acceptance of what is. While my heart is grieving, it isn't kicking my ass. There were days when I was a blubbering mess of tears, but that messiness, that grief is life. I didn't flail against the sadness, against the grief. I allowed it. I let it break me down. I cried.

Autumn is here. The leaves have started their turn. We don't need the air conditioners anymore. I'm making pots of hot tea instead of iced.

Once again, I am here. I am looking forward to the brightness, to the crispness. I may even be starting to look forward to the winter, to the fallow period, to the white and the cold and the chance to reconnect to my house and heart, inside.

(And oh my goodness, we have a lot of travel coming up, and that helps too. Not big huge trips, but little fun adventures.)

This wabi sabi life of mine, it is beautiful. Fragile, harsh, sad, joyful, happy, ecstatic. Bored and frustrated. All of it, beautiful.


A house blog keeping note: I was having some issues with the dynamic views template. Then this morning, I noticed that twitter was acting a fool. I changed my template and got rid of all my social share buttons. Oddly, even when I tried to remove them in dynamic view, I was still getting them. Hence the template change.

I really like the dynamic view look, but I don't want to infect your computer (or mine!) with anything. Please bear with me while I'm figuring out how to go back to dynamic views without the twitter widget.

(And check your downloads/security system! It's a twitter issue, so any blog that has an official twitter widget is having this issue. So weird.)