no success (just being)

In this moment, what is success?

You are breathing. You are alive. You have people you love. You are able to feed yourself, your family (I hope). You are able to help work on repairing the world (one stone at a time).

Success is usually defined as big numbers. Money. Fame. Attention. Rising to the top of your game (whatever your game is).

But let's go deeper than that. Deeper than numbers. Deeper than the attention of others. Deeper than your game.

What is success to you?

Sometimes people getting away from the big numbers game define success as happiness. Comfort. Joy.

But that's fleeting. We know we can't be happy at every second. We are human, we hurt sometimes. Shit happens. Yes, we can work on resilience, on riding the waves, but sooner or later our dog is going to die or our brain will get all fucked up by a tumor and then what?

Let's go deeper than that, deeper than emotions and thoughts (even our own).

What is success to me?

Success is my awareness of this present moment, as it is. Success is being able to touch the unity of the universe, however fleetingly, and say: yes. I am alive. I am present. I am doing what I am doing - right now I am writing. Next I may go grocery shopping. And then I might play basketball with my son, when he gets home. And then I might read my rss feed, on my phone while he plays another game.

I'm not always mindful, but when I am, that's an inner success of beingness.

And then there's the big numbers success: the more people I can touch with this blog, the more I can help (if, hopefully, I am helpful). Well, that's a roulette wheel: is it my words that help or is it your own inner understanding? And yet, I do like the idea of reaching more people. I keep writing publicly, when I could stop and go entirely private. And while my numbers aren't huge (and I am not great at marketing, even though I know what I need to do) they do keep going up nearly every month and that's something. In this sense, I am starting to be successful.

And then there's happiness. I am human. I do like happiness. I am content. I am getting better and better at identifying drama and releasing it from my life and I like that a lot. In this sense, I am successful, too, sometimes.

And there's success in my different social roles: being a mother, being a wife, being a daughter/in-law, being a friend. I'm not sure I can quantify my own success is those areas. Now would I really want to: I just want to be.

Really, what it comes down to is this: I'm not really overly concerned with being successful, however it is defined. I want to live. I want to be alive. I want to be present in this moment, as it is. I want to love the world and the people I know in it and the people I don't know in it. I want to love myself. I want to grieve when shitty things happen. I want to be ecstatic when awesome things happen. I want to write and take photographs and share my viewpoint with you.

In this moment, there is no success. There is no failure. There is only being.

Just being.

Play the mind-games later. Just be right now and let go of part of what you think you need to be successful.

You're alive. You are alive. Too many people are dead and one day you will die, too, but right now you are alive and that is all you need to be, in this moment: alive. It's pretty fucking awesome in and of itself, isn't it? Just to be alive.