you can't force the blooming without killing the branch

Lately, I've been having astrological discussions on Facebook. I'm an amateur, but I did grow up reading my mom's astrology books (it's one of her passions) so I know enough to be able to look up what I don't know.

It started with a friend and I comparing notes on Pluto (we both have it on our midheaven). Then a completely different friend had an epiphany about her Pluto square Pluto transit - and in looking into it, I realized, oh yeah. This is part of what's been happening to my generation as we make our way to 40.

Big powerful stuff going down in our mid to late 30s. Gorgeous stuff. But hard. (And sometimes made even more difficult by life's random shittiness.)

This is our adulthood. Our own, unique adulthood.

I've got friends separating from long (and short) marriages. I've got friends re-committing to marriages that almost-but-didn't-quite fall apart.

I've got friends grieving. Friends falling apart and putting themselves together. Friends letting go and letting go and then letting go some more, even if they hate it the whole time.

And I've got friends on the other side, who can help those going through it. And that's where I am, in this planetary shifting.

From what I can tell, if I am reading this ephemeris and doing the math correctly, my big Pluto transits were Jan '12, May-June '12 December '12 and then a little tiny one in Sept 13. And that timing? Hello self-care and courage and healing from gun-trauma. And it was all preceded by this: letting go of my need to not miss anything.

Yes, I did that letting go work and it was difficult and it was rewarding as hell. The result is I'm going into 40 feeling really strong in my own sense of self and my interconnectedness with this world. And it feels immensely beautiful.

You can't rush time. You can't force growth without fucking up a lot of different things (like tree limbs cut off to force the buds - they may bloom, but then they'll die, disconnected from the source). The timing of when things happen isn't always under our control.

What is under your control is your reaction. Your decision to embrace, to let go, to grieve, to feel what needs to be felt in the moment. Or to say no and drag your heels and not feel anything. Or to scream about it for a bit and then embrace it. There's all kinds of ways to react (more than I could think of, I'm sure).

What I know is this: how it is unfolding right now is your life. Not what happened last year. Not what will happen (possibly) next year. Right now. That's a truism, of course (it couldn't be any other way) but it's a truism we manage to ignore all the time, somehow, which disconnects us from our selves and the wholeness of life.

So bring it back to this moment and shake it out.

(Yes, I'm listening to Florence + The Machine. Because awesome!)