shifting the paradigm: laziness
I'm not feeling 100% better yet, but I'm at the point where I feel better enough that resting is starting to feel lazy, instead of healing. Consequentially, I've been overdoing again, and I paid the price by feeling exhausted yesterday afternoon. Oops.
Feeling that I am lazy is one of my deepest rooted shame spirals. Opening up about that shame, and reframing the story has been part of the internal work of my 30s. Obviously, I still have more work to do. And that is ok. I am writing this as a reminder to myself.
The reframe for laziness is remembering that even though I live in a culture that rewards doing-doing-doing, being less busy is how I choose to live my life.
Let's call this right-busy. Just busy enough. Or, let's call it right-lazy. Just lazy enough!
Oh, I like that: I can be just-right-lazy.
I remember that I am happier to be less busy. I remember that relaxing is a choice. I remember that I do not need to shame-spiral myself.
And I remember that when I do feel like doing something, it is best not to beat myself up by telling myself the story of overdoing - I am allowed to get exhausted, if I do things I need to do.
There is no shame in using up too many spoons.
No shame: only consequences and the acceptance of consequences. Shame is an added pain that I do not have to add.