unfolding reminders of being

this morning, i woke up already feeling like i hadn't done enough. hadn't produced enough. hadn't accomplished enough. i wanted to go back to sleep, because all the ways i wasn't enough were exhausting. 

so i reminded myself of all that i had done this life. this adulthood. this decade. this year. this month. this week. this day. boiled down to this: i was breathing and that was enough. being alive is a gift. my accomplishments are the wrapping paper on top of the gift. sometimes they're sparkling with excessive amounts of glitter and sometimes what i've done is as plain as blank kraft paper. and both types of wrapping paper are beautiful, whether i've gone under or overboard. because it's really what i do with being alive that matters, not what it looks like. 

being in the moment. breathing. practicing acceptance and patience and equanimity and loving kindness. 

what i do - or don't do - in a day, or a year, or a decade, or an adulthood, or a lifetime, isn't the point. 

the point is that right now, i am alive and so i have the choice to do (or not do) what i want, within the realm of what is available to me. and that is how my life is unfolding. not every choice i can make is pleasant. not every outcome is amazing. 

but i can do what i can do and through it all, i will remain, alive (until i am not). 

and that is more than enough.