practice (acceptance)

transition is frustrating. for all of us. we get used to a thing being one way and then it changes and that's hard. it just is hard.

and there's no cure for that difficulty... no cure. we can practice accepting transition and get more and more used to it, but that doesn't change the difficulty. we've been dealing with transitions every day since our first major one, when the sperm that is half our DNA was invited to merge with the ova that is the other half of our DNA. and yet, transitions are still sometimes every bit as difficult as that first, somewhat miraculous one.

(do you know the odds of your fertilization happening? miraculous is an understatement. take it from the infertile, we know.)

until we actively practice not getting-frustrated (aka, patience), we're going to be endlessly triggered by transitions. that's life: providing endless opportunity to practice, once we're here. little transitions that add up and then the huge, awful transitions that make us realize how inconsequential those little ones were.

practicing acceptance means practicing being patient with and being present to the feelings that transition brings up - it doesn't mean you won't feel the shitty feelings. it means you practice feeling them but not acting on them in negative ways (like, not blowing up at people you love, not starving yourself or binging, not spending money you don't have to fill the void inside you, etc).

it does help to practice patience/ acceptance - otherwise why advocate for it at all - but acceptance won't take away all the pain of those awful, huge transitions. we're human. big transitions are difficult. the little transitions get easier (and may even become unnoticeable) with daily practice, but the big ones will always be tough, I think, no matter how much practice we have.

maybe I'm wrong. maybe if we lived long enough, we'd get used to everyone else dying and it wouldn't be hard anymore - I don't know. I'm only 41. ask me again in sixty years. it's possible at that age I'll have a different answer.

but right now I think living through the deaths of those you love will always be hard.

(today marks the two year anniversary of the death of my friend's daughter, little A. clearly my thoughts were on grief today. it's nothing I haven't written about before. but I needed the reminder. transitions are tough. let yourself grieve.)