hope in the bleakest places

my birthday is in five days. 

(four, if you're reading this thirty minutes after I wrote it.)

this has been my "hope" year. much needed, hope. I've had to make my own hope, over and over. reminding myself in this bleak political landscape. this unjust world. the hypocrisy of all of our history, coming to a boil. how I have needed that hope!

(to say the world is scaring me is an understatement. but you knew that already.)

how I have needed to remember that in being alive, there's hope. just in living. just in breathing. 

hope exists, because it must. that's what being human means, it means knowing that everything that begins, ends. and seeing that there's hope in that, even when it seems like the worst kind of desolation. there's hope in the grief and the pain and the panic that you can't go on. but you do. somehow. (unless you don't. and let us honor those who didn't and grieve them, too.)

hope exists in the bleakest place because that's where hope has to be strongest. 

(when everything looks like roses and gold, you don't need hope as much as when you're staring into shit and blood.)

hope has been here for me and I have been here for hope. 

and now I'm almost ready for a new word, which I'll pick in the next week(s).