2018: trust

ironically, I almost second guessed myself out of this year's word, trust. it came to me (as usual) around my birthday, but it didn't feel solid yet. even yesterday, I was looking at other words, wondering if something else fit better. could this be my year of delight? but no. 

this next year will be all about trusting myself. trusting my feet. trusting my instincts. trusting that I will find delight wherever I am. trusting that sabbatical (if we get it) will flow just right. will work just right. will be exactly as it needs to be. 

which is to say, not perfect, but in the moment as it is. 

this year, I can't only hope, I have to trust. sabbatical is going to push me. I need to trust that this moment, and the next, will be as they are, to lead me to the next moment. the moments of choices and luck. the moments of grief and pain. the moments of joy and delight. 

I'm trusting the process. 

I'm trusting the practice I have done. 

I'm trusting the sunset and sunrise. the seasons. the clouds. the earth beneath my feet. the rocks and the waves. the ebb and the flow. 

and I'm trusting human nature. (good, bad, and ugly. helpful, awful, and kind.) 

(deep breath.)

I'm trusting life as it is, not how I want it to be. 

I'm trusting all that has come before and all that will be. 

I'm trusting myself. I'm trusting my love. I'm trusting M and I'm trusting our amazing kid. 

I'm all in on this glorious ride called life.