trust: letting go





today, I finally let go of the rest of my (paper) books. 

really. all of them that were only mine. given away to the library book sale. 

(it was only three bags. I let go of most of them last year.)

we still have books on our shelf. M has graphic novels and fiction and non-fiction. there's shared cookbooks and art books and dictionaries/ phrase books that aren't completely mine. and there were a handful of fiction books I couldn't remember if they were mine or his, so I decided to err on the side of caution, not wanting to give away that which wasn't mine. I also kept my copy of the Tribal Bible for now, thinking one of my dance friends might want it. and there was one tarot book that I kept so that I can give them away as a set.

yes. this is the culmination of years of "decluttering" my book shelves. and it was done for health reasons, but also because I was ready. finally ready. I read a lot, but everything I read is on kindle now because I have terrible asthma attacks when I breathe in book dust. 

if you've been following, the last category of books that I couldn't let go of was my amazing poetry collection. I gave away a few last year before we moved, but this time I was able to finish. 

and yes. I gave away every single poetry book in my possession. it was time. it was finally the right time. I was ready. I thanked them all, one by one, as I learned from Marie Kondo's book, and I let them go so they could be found by the right person.

I did replace some by buying them on kindle immediately, and put two or three on a wish list to buy sooner or later. 

but the majority of my collection were chapbooks, and for those, there were no e-replacements. and that's just how it will be. even handling them to put them in bags to take to the library (for the big library sale), I had an asthma attack and needed benedryl. I simply can't read paper books anymore, unless they're brand new and not made with book glue. that's just how it is. dust accumulates and then I can't breathe. I'd rather breathe. 

I trust that I have enough words to sustain me. I trust that I have all the poetry I need, in my life. I trust that I will find the books that need to be read, and write the books that need to be written. 

I trust this letting go.