finding (my way)





perhaps, I do not know what to write about.

perhaps there is so much needing to come out that starting is daunting.

perhaps there is too much to write.

perhaps there is not enough to write.

perhaps this is a season to rest instead of write.

perhaps I need to get myself into a new writing routine.

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I absolutely know that I have a lot to say. but it has been said before, by me, by everyone else.

(why, Israel? oh why. this grief I have for the slain is endless. this grief I have for our beloved dead. and on the start of Ramadan, oh the shame. this is not the way of peace. this is not the way of the righteous. this is not the way of our people.)

(and everyone under the sun calling the cops on black people for being alive and doing things? stop. it. now.)

(mother's day blessings to all who need them.)

(Ramadan Mubarak to all who need blessings of peace and comfort during this sacred season.)
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once again, the changing of the seasons seems to throw me for a loop. this doesn't always happen, but when it does, oh boy, it does. lol

and 2018 is already proving itself to be a weird year - so many deaths and changes and awesome things, all at once. (I wrote a little about that on facebook the other day. two people I know/knew who were my age died in the last couple of weeks.)

and once again, it's spring and I'm waiting for something big to happen in the summer.

(this time last year, we were working hard on getting our house ready to sell. right now, we're working not-nearly-as-hard on getting ready to go on sabbatical at the end of July.)

I have gotten a lot of preliminary things done this past week, though. (Including buying a bunch of plane tickets and booking an Airbnb for our first destination.)

and we test drove a prius v and decided against it. basically, I didn't love it enough to fight for why we should buy it over a) keeping our countryman or b) buying a different car (like a clubman or new countryman or c) going a lot bigger and getting a minivan.

and it's bizarre to me that I would be the one to decide against a prius (I have always wanted one) but I think at this point my real goal is to get an electric car.

eventually.
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writing helps me clarify what I need to say.

writing helps me remember that writing is the tool I need most.

writing helps me throw a lifeline back to myself, when I need one most.

writing helps me discover my way through this world.