trust: just existing
|a heart in the sky - do you see it?|
and here's what I know about that, as a person who has dealt with pain and discomfort my entire life: it passes. and even when the stretch is long, long enough to think, well maybe this time it just won't pass, it passes.
(not that there isn't some level that's always there. I mean, I'm always asthmatic. that doesn't go away. I mean there is ebb and flow to everything and this is yet another case of it being true that nothing is permanent. not even pain.)
so on a day like today when I'm feeling like I'm squandering my one wild amazing life because I'm not out hiking or going to the renn faire or doing a bazillion other active things I could be doing but am not, it's important to remind myself: I'm doing fine in the world, as I am, right now.
I am here.
and here is where I am.
and I trust being here, being me.
my existence in the world doesn't demand I get out and do all the things. it doesn't demand I get out and see all the things. it doesn't demand anything, really, except that I live my life in a way that doesn't harm more people and helps as many people as it possible for me to help.
(and that's something that I wish for myself, really, not an actual demand.)
and here's the thing with pain - it makes it all to easy to forget what we have actually done that has been helpful. the reality is, I haven't done much today, but that isn't the same as doing nothing. I did the dishes. I took out the trash. I helped M with some social media things he's been putting off for a long time. and I'm writing now.
I'm writing now.
(and I'll hit publish at the end of this sentence, after I add some tags.)