trust: just existing

a heart in the sky - do you see it? 

it's difficult to get down to writing (or taking more than the compulsory daily photo/ video) when one isn't feeling great. and while having an awful acidic taste in my mouth isn't the same level of discomfort as not being able to breathe or having my entire body feel like it was crushed by a semi truck, it still isn't conducive to having a lot of pep.

and here's what I know about that, as a person who has dealt with pain and discomfort my entire life: it passes. and even when the stretch is long, long enough to think, well maybe this time it just won't pass, it passes.

(not that there isn't some level that's always there. I mean, I'm always asthmatic. that doesn't go away. I mean there is ebb and flow to everything and this is yet another case of it being true that nothing is permanent. not even pain.)

so on a day like today when I'm feeling like I'm squandering my one wild amazing life because I'm not out hiking or going to the renn faire or doing a bazillion other active things I could be doing but am not, it's important to remind myself: I'm doing fine in the world, as I am, right now.

I am here.

and here is where I am.

and I trust being here, being me.

my existence in the world doesn't demand I get out and do all the things. it doesn't demand I get out and see all the things. it doesn't demand anything, really, except that I live my life in a way that doesn't harm more people and helps as many people as it possible for me to help.

(and that's something that I wish for myself, really, not an actual demand.)

and here's the thing with pain - it makes it all to easy to forget what we have actually done that has been helpful. the reality is, I haven't done much today, but that isn't the same as doing nothing. I did the dishes. I took out the trash. I helped M with some social media things he's been putting off for a long time. and I'm writing now.

I'm writing now.

(and I'll hit publish at the end of this sentence, after I add some tags.)