past rosh hashanah reminders to myself

yesterday's hike kicked my ass in the best possible way.

in a few hours, we'll be heading out to Erev Rosh Hashanah services.

l'shanah tovah: may we have a good year, a sweet year, a year of peace!!!!

(and a year of justice. oh please, please, please - may there be justice coming our way!)

unsurprisingly, since it's new year's eve, I'm feeling a bit nostalgic today, so I decided to reach into my archives to read what I had written about on past Rosh Hashanah.

and oh, wow, past me, you do not disappoint. thank you. thank you. thank you. these archives I write (for myself) are great reminders.

(I especially need reminders this year. trauma just about kicked my ass, but healing from trauma is what I do. that's what my archives remind me. I have healed from trauma before and I am healing from trauma now. yes.)

last year (2018) I was feeling very inspired by Rabbi Jon Spira-Savett’s’s idea of the vision to opinion ratio.

in 2017 I did a blog a day 365 project so it's not too surprising I was on an amazing roll with these two: on gratitude and empathy and shanah tovah.

in 2015 I wrote about dreaming the world anew every year, every moment.

2013 was a very hard year, with my friend E’s son Caleb dying right before Roh Hashanah began. (may his memory always, always, always be a blessing.)  I wrote a lot that year, and my Rosh Hashanah post, spiraling into the new year, is a particularly good example of the (beginning of the) lessons that year of grief taught me.

2012’s post wasn’t really about Rosh Hashanah, per se, but it’s a good reminder, nevertheless, on being open to life, as it is.

2011's post was about attunement, alignment and 'doing the work.'

this year is almost a strange rosh hashanah for me. usually I hardly feel ready for the new year and that time is rushing by too quickly. this year, I felt the need for a new year, a sweet year, much, much earlier than now. and so erev rosh hashanah feels like it is coming much too late. in fact, my new year feels like it has already begun, with the PTSD healing that I am doing (the nesting, the hiking, the intensive journaling).

and yet, here's our calendar, right now, turning over into a fresh year.

and here will our beautiful erev Rosh Hashanah services, where we'll be revisiting our high holy day themes, the music and prayers that I love so fervently.

any moment can be the beginning of a symbolic new year.

that is great, because it means we can begin again at any moment.

but also, there are calendar new years, too. the secular new year, the religious ones. our birthdays.

taking each new year as it comes. neither too late nor too early. though often we may feel at odds and this is ok, too. feeling at odds also teaches us something about what we need.

using what is to teach us what needs to be.

ah, there's my lesson this year:

let me use what is to teach me what needs to be.

yes, please, thank you.