everything has led to this moment: centering myself

reminding myself:

everything you have done has led you to this moment.
you are ready. you have done the work you needed to do.
(you are doing the work.) there is nothing else necessary.
let go of the worry over other people's preparedness.
they have done this work, or not. you can only do yours.
there is no way to do other people's work. let them be.

let go of resistance. let go of panic. let yourself grieve.

let go of everything that isn't this moment. just for a breath or two.

practice centering in the here and now, attuning to your needs.

everything has led to this moment. the wait is over. the time is now.
we are breathing in and out. we are together in spirit, finding our way.
this is the time to remind ourselves that all we have done has been enough.
listen to the beating of your heart and do what needs to be done.
follow the rules of social distancing; protect the ones who need protection,
caring and loving one another in the time of pandemic.

we will get through this together.

I am assuming anyone who is reading this who isn't working an essential job has gone into social distancing mode, if not further into shelter in place/ quarantine. (I hope you are staying home as much as you can, even if your area hasn't yet officially decreed it so.)

and for those of you on the front lines, working essential jobs, I salute you. I am staying home for you. :love:

and I am also assuming you have read about flattening the curve and understand that we're in this for a fairly long haul. it's going to be bumpy, especially at the beginning, but we'll get through this, together.

(I am pragmatic; there will be overwhelm. there is overwhelm. I wish these social distancing measures had been enacted last month. but there's nothing I could do about it then except what I did, which was to start preparing my family.)

everywhere, I am seeing the words "new normal."

and this is true. social distancing/ isolation/ quarantine is going to be our new normal. for however long it takes.

(it's already been about two months in China. and we have no way of knowing how much longer it will take until the threat of overwhelming hospitals is over. flattening the curve is important, but you have to stay in isolation until the pandemic is totally done. otherwise, there will be a second spike.)

transitions are difficult and it is ok if you don't find the new normal as quickly as you feel like you should. (please, stop shoulding yourself!)

everything I have done in the past eight months, healing from trauma, has helped me prepare for this moment.

it's still hard. it is still scary as fuck. but I am up to the challenge.


(I have no other choice. ominous optimism ftw!)

I can name my panic attacks now. I can breathe through them and recenter myself in safety.

I am privileged: my husband is not in danger of losing his job. (and his university has gone online, as has our child's school.)

I am privileged: we have enough money to comfortably survive.

(we are not hoarding, but we are buying more food at a time than we normally would, trying for a two week supply instead of going grocery shopping every 4 days as before.)

I am privileged, I have health care.

(and my asthma may or may not be a risk factor. but even if it is, I have the privilege of having had double pneumonia before and knowing how to get through it without freaking out. this is important, because freaking out is the singular worst thing you can do when breathing is difficult. but also not freaking out is the singular most difficult thing to do when breathing is difficult. thank all that is that I have years and years of practice at doing the most difficult thing when it is necessary!)

I am privileged. thank you, thank you, thank you.

I send my love out into the world. I throw my support to those that are not as privileged as I am. I vote so that the injustices might be repaired. I do all that I can to right the wrongs of our systemic oppression.

I come back to my center, over and over again. despite overwhelm. despite stress. despite fear.

feel the feelings and allow them space and then return again to the center.

over and over and over and over and over again.

returning to my center. to my innate goodness. to my empathetic connection with the world. to love.

in touch with the grief at the center of it all, but not overwhelmed with it.

in touch with the joy at the center of it all, but not overwhelmed with it.

returning to my center. over and over again.

thank you. thank you. thank you.